Colombia - A reflection (part 2)

This morning, whilst waiting for my 7am coffee to brew, my thoughts wandered to some of my more recent travel experiences to date.  I am recently home in Northern Ireland, following a year of working and living in Bogotá, Colombia.

I am lucky and have had the chance to travel a lot for such a young age. Mostly it has been for work or study but that is not to say that it has not been a conscious choice of my own. I guess I’m a bit of a travel nerd. There’s something about it. I guess I’ve got it…’the bug’ that is…and not the type I got trekking through the Lost City in Colombia! The travel bug…

This blog is a continuation of my most recent one, a reflection upon my recent travels to Colombia where I was working for a year teaching English Language at la Universidad Nacional in Bogotá. I’m not overly religious, but there is something special or perhaps let’s say ‘spiritual’ about travelling...or at least, being abroad, being removed from your own culture and exposed to a completely different one.

During my travels, primarily through Asia and South America, I have learnt a lot about the world. I have seen sights that have shocked me, scared me, amazed me, amused me, bemused me and made me laugh till my sides hurt.

But…there’s something more to travelling than that selfish obsession with ‘the experience’ or the story that you’re going to tell your friends and family upon return. For me, and I speak for most ‘travelers’ I think, it’s something more: it’s a never ending journey of self-discovery. Travel is a therapy. It heals wounds that some medicines cannot heal and it teaches you lessons you won’t learn at school or find in a book.

The following list is a continuation of what I believe is the main things I have learnt during the past year. May I continue to do so…

1.       Find what makes you happy…and do it
Life is short. Find out what it is that makes you happy. Discover something new you love doing or take up a hobby. Enjoy the little things in life; spending all morning in pyjamas, watching the sun set and enjoying a bottle of good wine.

2.       You are stronger than you think you are
Don’t be afraid to realise that you are strong than you think you might be. Life throws some curve balls sometimes. Fight back. Life is worth living, so don’t let it get you down. Surround yourself with positive things. Expel negative people and thoughts from your life…you do not need them. Be strong. Look after others, but remember to look after yourself first. Make yourself a priority.

3.       Don’t hold grudges. Forgive and forget
Friendships can be easily broken and sometimes irreparable. Time can heal, but it can also strain relationships. Don’t let time pass without patching up unresolved tensions or problems. Forgive, even when it’s not easy. Holding grudges won’t help you.

4.       When shit happens don’t let it stop you from living your life.
Being cheated on, being robbed, and getting drugged with scopolamine. The above are all things that happened to me during my time in Colombia. They weren't pleasant and they certainly knocked me back a few steps. Nonetheless, despite how hard it is don’t let it prevent you from moving forward in life. Face your difficulties and your fears and surround yourself with friends and loved ones for support. When you’re ready, confront your personal demons and move on.

5.       Stop over-analysing things
When you don’t understand something whether it be a complex Spanish idiom, a text message you have awkwardly received from an ex or a certain aspect of a culture that you struggle to digest…stop over-analysing the situation and accept that things are done differently in other parts of the world. Take a step back, breath and count to ten. Everything will be ok.

6.       Some things ARE out of our control and we can’t stop them from happening
Sometimes bad things happen. Even more-so, sometimes bad things happen to good people. Try not to dwell on the hard times too much. Karma, fate, destiny, whatever you wish to call it. Whether you chose to believe it or not, acknowledge at least the truth that you are only in charge of your own actions…not the consequences that stem from them.  When shit happens, keep your chin up and keep moving forward.

7.       Don’t be afraid to move on

When you get bored of a place or lack inspiration to continue doing what you do, stop and move on to find something new that excites you.

8.       We are all the same.
Despite our differences, we are all humans trying to make sense of an endlessly evolving world. Skin colour, sexual orientation and political stance do not and should never encapsulate our very being or sense of identity.

Thomas Stephen Szasz said that:

      “The plague of mankind is the fear and rejection of diversity: monotheism, monarchy, monogamy and, in our age, monomedicine. The belief that there is only one right way to live, only one right way to regulate religious, political, sexual, medical affairs is the root cause of the greatest threat to man: members of his own species, bent on ensuring his salvation, security, and sanity. ” 

We need to realise that we are all different but we are all humans and stem from the same branch. Therefore we should put aside the small cultural differences that make us different and focus on the larger things that unite us. No one deserves to be judged by or have their life dictated by their personal religious beliefs, socio-economic background, political ideology or sexual orientation.

9.       Be wary who you trust
Be careful who you decide to make friends with. Not everyone has your best interests at heart. Be honest to others and to yourself and be careful not to get hurt.

10.   The world is small. Embrace it.
The world is small. People travel more and know more things about countries and cultures which are not their own.  Diversity is not something to be afraid of but to embrace. Only then will we ever be able to try and make sense of the world in which we live. 

Colombia - A reflection (Part 1)

So, I have now spent a few months back in Northern Ireland after spending a year living in Colombia, South America. Whilst in Colombia, I was faced with what seemed like a never ending string of situations and experiences that challenged me and helped me grow into something closer to the person that I hope to be.

Marcel Proust, a popular French novelist and literary critic stated that “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” Leaving the comforts of a life as a teacher in the UK in search of something more exciting, Colombia provided much more than I ever expected, and perhaps desired in some occasions.

I grew to develop a love/hate relationship with the culture and all aspects of life that stemmed from it. Like Proust said, I headed for Latin America in search of seeking new landscapes, new sights and new experiences but I was not ready…well not completely for some of the lessons that I would have to learn during my time there.

I am a firm believer that in order to fully understand some things, removing yourself (and in my case physically) from the situation who can look at it with fresh eyes. Eyes that have had time to adjust to reality and reflect critically but sensibly upon what they have just witnessed.

I guess that it is now time to look at my time in Colombia through what I guess Proust would have called ‘new eyes’.

1.       Time is precious, spend it wisely

Corny, cheesy, cringe-worthy…call it what you like but it’s true. There were times I wished my time away in Colombia, desiring of returning home to the comforts of the UK or to other far-away lands. Having lived in various parts of the UK, Europe, Asia and South America…I have become used to but not numb to having to say goodbye. Every time I leave somewhere, and a little piece of my soul there I can’t help but be thankful for the time I spent there growing to know a new culture and developing friendships. Time really is precious; spend it wisely doing whatever it is that makes you happy…and never stop

2.       Tell people daily as much as you can how much you love them

Being British, we tend not to open up our hearts and struggle to show our emotions. Perhaps it’s due to a fear of rejection, or of being hurt. Perhaps, more simply, we see it as unnecessary and perhaps slightly OTT. In Colombia, I grew to not only accept or appreciate but begin to endorse the Latin American culture of telling people how much I loved them. Family and friendships are fundamental aspects of not just Latino culture but the world and the essence of life itself. 

3.       Be thankful for what you have. There is always someone worse off than you

I am by no means wealthy. I am a Modern Foreign Languages teacher in a London school. My salary disappears on rent, bills and transport. Nonetheless, I have learnt to stop complaining. I have friends, I have family, and I have opportunities. Travel has opened my eyes to the fact that I am extremely lucky and I hope that I never cease to realise how blessed I am. I have worked with orphaned children in Uganda, spoke to land mine victims in Cambodia, seen the prostitutes at work and the homeless begging in Colombia and thank God every time that it’s not me…not out of pity, nor to be patronising but to appreciate that life has been kind to me and to be thankful.

4.       Push yourself out of your comfort zones. You will be amazed at what you will learn

Go bungee jumping, trek the Andes in Ecuador alone, take a one-way flight to Bogotá. Whatever it is that pushes you to the extreme…do it. Sometimes, it’s scary, sometimes it’s hard but the rewards are endless. Walsch said ‘life begins at the end of your comfort zone’. Push yourself until you find whatever it is you’re looking for.

5.       Never judge a book by its cover

During my time in Colombia, I met a lot of people. Spending time in hostels and talking to strangers taught me that you should never make assumptions. Respect people, their culture and the decisions they have made as to how they live their life. Try not to be prejudice towards someone based purely upon their nationality, stereotype, gender, sexuality or anything else which you feel may define them as a human being.

6.       Take risks but be prepared to suffer the consequences

It’s good to take risks but that’s not always to say that you don’t have to suffer the consequences of your actions. Stepping out of your comfort zone is never easy and sometimes you end up in tricky situations, especially abroad. Move on from your errors, reflect upon your past but try not to dwell upon it.

7.       Being alone and being lonely are not necessarily the same thing

There is nothing wrong with being on your own. This year I took a month to travel myself around Ecuador. This was my first experience of travelling properly on my own, and it was exactly what I needed…a sort of meditation. I left all my ‘baggage’ back in the jungle somewhere in Ecuador and headed back to my life in Colombia feeling fully refreshed and rejuvenated.

8.       Stop and listen

I am a perfectionist. I like to do things my way and I like to also tell people how I think things should get done. I guess that being a teacher; I somehow feel that I am always right and that being opinionated somehow makes me a better person. Recently, I read a blog by a friend and gifted writer who wrote:

   ‘Read the signs - Take your time. Look for the red light and listen to the alarm bells ringing. Go with your instinct and that gut feeling. Signs are like a language that one has to practice throughout life in order to become fluent. You can waste a lot of time and energy by denying the obvious, ignoring the hints, warnings and nudges in the right direction. Follow the path that leads you to peace by listening and understanding the energy that surrounds you’ 

Every so often, stop doing what you do and question your actions. Listen to others and learn from them. Try to see others point of view, even if they are contrary to your own…You never know what you might learn.

9.       It’s ok to make mistakes sometimes

Author Rick Warren wrote that “We are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it.” Learn from your mistakes but try not to make them twice. Don’t become a slave to guilt and certainly do not permit it to stop you living life to the full. Life wouldn’t be half as interesting without a few stumbles and falls along the way. Our past shapes our future, but it doesn’t have to dictate it. Find out who you want to be and do what you have to do to get there, without letting your past stop you.

10.   If you put our mind to something…you can achieve it

Realise that you are the captain to your own ship…a piece of advice from my father. You are in control, no one else. Realise that! Life is short and for living, but that’s not to see that it comes without its own set of challenges and difficulties. Don’t let anything stand between you and your goals. 

What Men Want

We’ve all seen or hopefully heard of the film ‘What women want’ in which Mel Gibson , an American, chauvinistic executive wakes up one morning with the ability to read women’s minds, something that men have dreamt of, probably since the stone age.

There’s no denying that despite perhaps the poor directing and bad acting at times, ‘What women want’ was successful in highlighting some of the differences between men and women in the society in which we live. 

Nonetheless, I can’t help but think about how it would be if the shoe was on the other foot…If a film was made about what men want. I’m sure if the movie was made, it would be a best seller.
 

As a foreigner living in Colombia, not a day goes by where I desire to know exactly what men want in this crazy city, and I’m sure I speak for every foreigner in Bogotá when I say that I have no idea.

There is no denying that Colombian men are beautiful. Period. If you’re a sucker for olive-tanned skin, smouldering eyes, toned bodies, dark features and a sexy Spanish accent to accompany all of that…then Colombia is the place for you. 

There is one drawback however and it’s a pretty big one. The men in Colombia are considerably harder to understand than the Europeans! If I had a pound for every minute I have spent trying to figure out what Colombian gay men want, I would be a millionaire by now! Unfortunately I am still living off a measly British Council FLA salary and single...having lost pretty much all faith in Colombians. 

The first problem that I encountered with the men here in Bogotá was... and still continues to be the superficiality. No one seems to get it, not even the Colombians, who seem to forgive or pass off the situation as being ‘boba’ or ‘complicada’. 

The bad thing is that Colombians both strive for personal physical perfection and expect the same of everyone else. Maintaining the perfect height, weight, job, social status and education are all of extreme importance to the Colombians. Miss out on one of them, and bam! – They’re not interested. 

Even via internet dating or the popular yet shamefully sketchy websites such as manhunt or gaydar (dare I mention grindr?) men only want to know one thing – where they can find Mr. Right. 

Please, don’t get me wrong…I’m looking for him too, who isn’t? But starting a conversation with a stranger (who in Colombia will usually just be a naked toned torso) by asking someone their height, weight, role and demanding more photographs including sexual ones somehow just doesn’t seem like the right way to go about it...

It’s not even superficial, it’s superfluous ‘more than is wanted or is sufficient, or rendered unnecessary by superabundance’ 

Unless you tick all the proverbial superfluous boxes, no one wants to know anything about you, your hobbies, your family, your friends, your studies, your personal interests or life goals – even at times your very name. 

I’m not saying at all that people should lose faith and not settle for the best. Though perhaps we need to not lose sight of reality and come to terms with maybe the best guy or girl for us may not have a six pack or have studied at the best university. 

There is no denying that the consequences that come along in the wake of such a grim, social and cultural attitude to dating are just as upsetting…

There is firstly and fore mostly the ‘arma de doble fila’ or the ‘double-edged sword’ of low self-esteem and personal high expectations. Not only do you start to feel inferior about your own personal appearance, you raise your own standards…and quite considerably. 

You actually start to convince yourself that ‘beauty only goes skin-deep’ – or at least so in Colombia. I have been on dates before, enjoyed myself and the persons company but not followed it up simply because they weren’t as fit as my ex or what I believe I’m worth.

And this leads into the thing which annoys me the most. As foreigners on the dating scene, we start to embody everything we once despised about the superficiality of the Bogotano gay scene. I suppose it’s something to do with the ‘if you can’t beat them, join them’ philosophy, but can we really complain and then conform at the same time. 

In such a superficial, fake culture, can we really ever expect to find love and be truly happy in a country where no one seems to know what they want and we’re all looking for something we don’t really believe exists. 

So, never mind Mel Gibson…Hollywood likes to remind us of the difficulties of dating and falling in love, but even in Colombia with such a gift of knowing what men, or women want…it wouldn’t even make a difference. No one knows what anyone wants, not even themselves.  

You know you live in Bogotá when ...

1.       You complain about having to drink Aguardiente but still continue to do so and suffer the consequences most weekends

2.       The following morning, whilst nursing the mother of all hangovers, you take a Bonfiest with your breakfast and feel fully recovered … more or less

3.       You trade your traditional hangover breakfast of an Ulster Fry or English Breakfast for Caldo de costillas. 

4.       You actually enjoy cheese and hot chocolate.

5.       You say ‘Que pena’ to everything and in every situation possible, even when you don’t mean it

6.       You bitch about how Shakira no longer appears ‘Colombian’ but scream like a little princess when they play ‘hips don’t lie’ in Theatron on a Saturday night

7.       You get annoyed at the ‘gringos’ demanding English translations at the salsa night at la Villa

8.       You stare at other foreigners in the street and wonder why they are here and what they are doing

9.       Someone asks you when you are available and you respond with ‘ahorita’ ‘ahorita más tarde’ or ‘de pronto más tardecito, ya te llamo’ as a response because in reality you don’t know your working timetable for that week and know that realistically you are not going to get round to seeing that person 

10.   You can’t walk down a street without being stared at or making eyes at  people you don’t know, just because you tihnk they are cute

11.   On being asked directions by a stranger, even if you don’t know you where they want to go you say ‘por alli’ or ‘por alla’ and wave your hand in an inconspicuous manner, neither to the left or to the right

12.   You enjoy Colombian drinking games such as ‘presi’ and ‘asesino’ more-so than your beloved British/European equivalents

13.   You will insist on trying to use the words ‘chevere’ ‘bacano’ ‘chimba’ and ‘marica’ in most sentences but worry slightly if you are coming across as ‘nero’ to your Colombian friends

14.   You use emoticons in your daily face book chat conversations instead of typing what you really want to say. In Colombia, there is an emoticon for every situation

15.   You start to do the ‘peace sign’ in photos and upload them to your facebook

16.   You take photos of yourself with your iphone (at the gym, at home, infront of the mirror), Instagram the photo and give it a mundane title such as ‘ viernes’ or ‘en casa’

17.   You talk incessantly about the weather and get over excited if the temperature fluctuates by one or two degrees 

18.   Most weekends you try to make plans to leave for ‘tierra caliente’ but end up staying in the city, drinking copious amounts of rum and aguardiente

19.   You rant about how much you love Colombia to everyone and anyone but meet your English speaking Expat friends for coffee and engage on hourly long conversations about everything you despise about the country

20.   You make plans to make plans and arrange to rearrange dates

21.   You insist on phoning from minutos instead of topping up your phone and buying individual cigarettes instead of a packet

22.   You use the word ‘de pronto’ (perhaps – Quizá, tal vez) in most sentences, because no plan is ever concrete in Colombia

23.   Your spelling in Spanish is atrocious and you’re never quite sure if you spell that simple word you learnt years ago with a B or a V, or a C or an S. Therefore you tend not to actually write in Spanish but use emoticons to express everything you want to say

24.   You start to say ‘oye’ ‘mira’ and ‘o sea’ in most sentences

25.   You consider it a good thing that you have a huge backside and flaunt it with jeans that ‘levanta la cola’ as opposed to feel typically British and self-conscious 

26.   You can’t actually function at work unless you have drank about 3 coffees before hand

27.   You get overly excited about National and International football matches even though you don’t even really like football or sports in general

28.   You never get over the sheer size of the avocados in this country compared to those back home

29.   You use a blender for making soups, juices, smoothies and cocktails so much more so  than you would ever do so in the UK, simply because you are amazed and ridiculously excited by the cheapness of exotic fruits here

30.   You willingly engage in conversations about Colombian stereotyping and dissing anyone who isn’t a Rolo (Bogotano)

31.   You phone people instead of texting them

32.   You are not phased in the slightest that the army and police are everywhere, in fact it makes you feel safer

33.   You turn up for most things at least 10 minutes late, even work

34.   You compare the price of everything against the 25,000 peso entry to Theatron on a weekend night

35.   You know all the latest reggaeton hits but haven’t a clue what is going on in the top 40 back home in the UK

36.   You eat four types of carbohydrate in one meal and consider it to be ‘healthy’

37.   Arranging more than one date for the day is not considered cheating or promiscuous but a sensible option

38.   You chose to drink tinto over normal coffee even though it tastes like s**t

39.   You spend more time at the gym and all dance classes checking everyone out than actually exercising

40.   You start to embody all the things that who used to dislike about Colombians and worry about how people are going to perceive you when you go home. Hence, everyone considers staying and not returning home, at least not yet

Colombians are the friendliest people in the world - Or are they?

Ok, so I want to make it clear first of all that I love Colombia. I really do. However, like with any foreign country, it has its fair share of annoyances. Whilst I guess it’s perfectly natural to struggle with certain aspects of living in an alien culture, there are a few things in Colombia that I doubt I will ever learn to accept or embrace for that matter.

Since arriving in Colombia, Colombians have not ceased to inform me that they are ‘the friendliest people in the world.’ Nonetheless, there have been times this year when I have quite frankly just wanted to laugh at this statement, or scream in frustration (most like the latter!)

I can’t help but wonder why Colombians are so quick to pat themselves on the back, before questioning their own faults and flaws. Again, let me reiterate (before I fear I start losing friends) that Colombia is a wonderful country and that yes, Colombians are friendly…the majority of them. Nonetheless, I can’t help but question the validity of this statement. 

Being from Northern Ireland I will be the first to tell you that the Irish are extremely friendly, though trust me, some of us are just complete idiots, just like the people in any country you might chose to visit. What makes Colombia any different?

Firstly, I guess it has something to do with the sheer size of Colombia. Colombia is a huge country, with huge contrasts, culturally, linguistically, socially, politically and ethnically. Those from the Pacific coast act very differently to those from the big city and vice versa. A paisa will naturally be different someone from Pasto. 

Bearing in mind the extreme sense of National pride in Colombia, it shouldn’t come as a shock that the locals are determined to give themselves a good image, one which is not to do with guerrilla warfare or drug violence. 

Given the history of Colombia, I imagine Colombians take pride in showing off their country and culture, especially to foreigners who unfortunately too often think that a holiday in Colombia can only mean one thing, sun, sea, sand and cocaine. 

If you are reading this and have spent any time in Colombia you will know that this is simply not true. There are a few things that I have struggled with during my daily life in Bogotá.

Racism
This is something which I have had to really struggle with during my time here in Bogotá. I have had experiences in which friends have talked derogatorily about, or simply just made fun of someone simply because of the colour of their skin. The scary thing is that often the racist comments come from those are highly educated and ‘should know better’. I understand that in the UK, we are often labelled as being too PC or ‘Politically Correct’ though I can’t seem to think that this has anything to do with being right or wrong, that is politically speaking. Surely it’s a matter of humanity and respect. In my opinion, there is simply no excuse!

National Pride
Colombians are some of the proudest people I have ever met. And ok, why shouldn’t they be proud? They have a wonderful country and wonderful culture. However, this year I have had to lie on various occasions to appease Colombian friends. If you engage with a Colombian taxi driver about your new life in Bogotá, one of the first things they will most likely want to talk to you about is food! It happens on a weekly basis that a taxi driver will inform me that surely I must love Colombia, even more than my own country since it has the best women, best food and best nightlife in all of Latin America if not the world. 

I personally think Colombian food is a bit boring and tasteless, the nightlife is ok (give or take) and as for the women, well I couldn’t possibly make comment on that!

They are very quick to defend their own food but annoyingly very wary about trying food which is not from Colombia and has not been prepared by a Colombian. Being the little whiz in the kitchen that I think I am, I have tried to encourage Colombian friends to try new things: Thai, Cambodian, Italian, Japanese etc and it’s humorous to the point of frustrating to watch them stare in confusion as you prepare the food. I have quite strong will-power, but after having watched Colombian friends turn up their noses at a block of Brie and Camembert, my heart could possibly not sink any lower.

Regionalism
Colombia is a country which is completely divided not only geographically but by the Colombians themselves. Not only do they make fun of non-Colombians but those from different regions of the country itself. Whilst regional pride is a good thing, I have become tired of hearing the same comments made about Paisas, or jokes about the Pastuso accent and derogatory comments made about those from the Caribbean Coast. Ironically, many of these Colombians which will indulge in such conversations have never actually left their region, or traveled extensively around the country, before making such comments.

Gringo Culture
Let me first of all get this right. I am not a gringo. I am from a small town on the coast of Northern Ireland. Therefore even if I correct you kindly saying that I am not a gringo, please do not try and tell me reasons why I am wrong and that you know more about my own Nationality than I do. 

Mamar Gallo
or – ‘to take the piss’ – Something that Colombians like to do to anyone who isn’t a Colombian. There have been many occasions in which I have nearly gone mental at being mistreated at the hands of Colombians simply because I am foreign. I remember being made to sit at the back of the boat with my other English friend whilst sailing back to Cartagena from Playa Blanca, a journey which left us soaked through to our skin, and all of our belongings ruined.

Naturally the worst part of the journey was watching the Colombians that had been previously asked to move, sit as happy as pie as the ‘gringo’ gets soaked through. I’m not just talking about being charged a little more at a street market for an overpriced bracelet, I’m referring to when Colombians who refuse to let you and your friend get on the last bus out of the town because there is ‘no room’ but then proceed in letting about 4 Colombians on instead. Quite frankly, this is not how to make foreigners feel welcome in your country – take note.

Colombians are ‘players’
Colombian men are complete players. I know that there is a game to play, however I won’t be participating in it. I am sick of the chase and have come to the conclusion that if someone wants to be with me for who I am then, they can make the effort to get to know me. I’m not some kind of foreign trophy to be won and I refuse to fall for all the usual Latino chat-up lines which have started to go stale after only a few months of being exposed to them.

Machismo
Machismo is pretty impossible to avoid in most Latin American (and Western) countries. I can’t help but feel that machismo, being not only a word but a concept that we have allowed ourselves to become accustomed to, is accepted within Latino culture, despite the social problems it creates, especially for women and anyone who is a minority. (or not a man)

Colombians take forever at bank machines
They put their card in, the punch in some digits, they take it out again, they read their receipt, they insert their card again, they do the same monotonous procedure, they think, they decide to take money out, they take it out, they do the same with another card – The process of getting money out isn’t difficult, people just make it difficult.As a result, please be prepared to spend hours queuing at bank machines.

Lying
OK, let me say from the onset that I am not implying that all Colombians lie. What I will say however is that there have been many times where I have asked for directions and instead of the person simply saying that they do not know the answer they will continue to give you the wrong directions or relevant information.This does not help you in the slightest!

Lack of trust
It is understandable yet slightly irritating the lack of trust in Bogota from strangers. At times, I have needed to ask people information, usually directions on the street and when approaching Colombians it is often that they will not stop to help you. They usually keep walking, looking at you like some sort of criminal. However if they do stop to help, they will always talk to you with an air of caution. I suppose this is understandable given that Bogota is perhaps not the safest of places to talk to strangers in the street. Nonetheless, it still grates a little when you’re trying to find somewhere and get looked up and down like you've just murdered some kittens. 

Colombian landlords are idiots
Say no more. It’s extremely difficult to find a trusting Colombian landlord who will not try to rinse you for everything you have got, at least not in Bogota. They see you as a fountain of cash, and will try and get all they can out of you. Watch out for flaws in contracts, strange rules and anything else dodgy which could make your living situation a living nightmare. No parties, charging for friends coming over, paying to use the bathroom…you name that obscene rule, I have most likely heard it and I am sure that it has been enforced by a Colombian landlord somewhere.

Colombians love to make fun of your Spanish
Colombians claim to be the friendliest people in the world, however this does not apply when you are speaking Spanish. Even if their level of English is practically non-existent, Colombians will not hesitate to laugh at your Spanish, your choice of vocabulary (or in my case) your ‘horrible accent’.(Thanks Spain!)

Going to the Cinema
There is nothing more annoying than sitting at the cinema watching a serious film and being surrounded by people who sill simply not keep quiet. Even more amusing than this is the fact that Colombians love to make the fastest exit from the cinema ever after the movie is over. No one likes to sit around, and no one gives a damn about the credits. Grab your belongings and get out of there!

Colombians hate to queue
In true Hispanic style, Colombians struggle with the concept of queuing. Being British there is nothing we love more than a good queue. Whether it be at the cinema or getting on a bus, people will happily push in front of you.Just get used to it.

Email
Colombians take for ages to respond to emails. Whether it is work related or personal, people here much prefer to phone instead. Therefore, it’s important to feel comfortable with telephone Spanish, something which I was not when I first arrived in Colombia.

Being late!
We all tend to be late the odd time, and even turn up ‘fashionably late’ to parties since you never want to be the first person there but Colombians really struggle to turn up to things on time, even classes at University. My students were shocked to hear that in England, you may not be admitted into a class if you arrive late or even worse, you may be asked to leave. I understand that Bogota is a big city, and there are often difficulties with transport but instead of using that as an excuse for lateness, why not just leave a little earlier?

Strike!
The Colombians love to strike just as much as the French do. Despite this being extremely annoying when you work in a state university, much of the time striking is a means of demonstration, against a highly corrupt government and an unequal society. Strikes can cause all sorts of problems, from roads being closed, to staff not getting paid on time, or even at all!

Spanish set phrases
If you have ever walked down a street in any Colombian town or city during lunch hour your ears will be ‘graced’ with the sounds of Colombians screaming ‘siga, siga, siga, a la orden…bienvenidos.’ Or words to that effect! Colombians love their set phrases. When you say 'thank you' when purchasing something you will without a doubt be greeted with ‘a la orden’ – or ‘at your service’ If a Colombians wishes to apologise, they will say ‘Que pena’ or ‘Que pena con usted’. After a while, the language starts to feel a bit impersonal. Instead of ‘at your service’ a ‘no worries, have a nice day’ wouldn’t go a miss!

Personal space
Colombians don’t mind getting up close and personal on public transport and they will happily dance right beside you on the dance floor even if there happens to be more space a few feet away. After a few cocktails or shots of ‘aguardiente’ or ‘burning water’  this can be extremely irritating and results in lots of elbowing and nudging with certain varying degrees of force!

Colombian inequality
More of a serious complaint... Whilst I can live happily in a country which struggles with personal space, queuing and sending emails, I can’t help but be angry and upset at the extreme levels of inequality that exist in Colombia, especially regarding education. Unlike in the UK, not everyone in Colombia is treated the same by the state and not everyone has the same opportunities in life to make something of themselves. Unfortunately this is one of the biggest social problems to date in Colombia.

So … now that I’m feeling pretty angry about everything it’s probably time to calm myself down, make a fruit smoothie and revel in some of the amazing things that Colombia has which the UK has not in an attempt to chill out and win back some friends that I have probably lost through reading this blog! In conclusion, I believe Colombia to be a marvellous country, with defects just like any other. People in Colombia are no more different to that of those back home who too often have not the opportunity to travel, experience other cultures and everything else that comes from stepping further outside of your own comfort zones.

Obviously, much of the time, this is of no fault of their own. Nonetheless, regionalism mixed with extreme National Pride often equates to for many Colombians an inability to see past the borders of one’s own country. I am not asking Colombia to change. I am asking none of the sort. As for any foreigners personal struggle living in a country like Colombia, it is only to be expected. Furthermore, that’s what makes it so challenging and rewarding living abroad. 

Whilst there are a list of more serious things I wish I could change in Colombia, alongside the locals, there are many which are part of the cultural and come along with the acceptance of a job in Bogotá. As for these things, there is no sense in getting angry or annoyed. You simply have a count to ten, relax and remember you are the weird one - not them!