What Men Want

We’ve all seen or hopefully heard of the film ‘What women want’ in which Mel Gibson , an American, chauvinistic executive wakes up one morning with the ability to read women’s minds, something that men have dreamt of, probably since the stone age.

There’s no denying that despite perhaps the poor directing and bad acting at times, ‘What women want’ was successful in highlighting some of the differences between men and women in the society in which we live. 

Nonetheless, I can’t help but think about how it would be if the shoe was on the other foot…If a film was made about what men want. I’m sure if the movie was made, it would be a best seller.
 

As a foreigner living in Colombia, not a day goes by where I desire to know exactly what men want in this crazy city, and I’m sure I speak for every foreigner in Bogotá when I say that I have no idea.

There is no denying that Colombian men are beautiful. Period. If you’re a sucker for olive-tanned skin, smouldering eyes, toned bodies, dark features and a sexy Spanish accent to accompany all of that…then Colombia is the place for you. 

There is one drawback however and it’s a pretty big one. The men in Colombia are considerably harder to understand than the Europeans! If I had a pound for every minute I have spent trying to figure out what Colombian gay men want, I would be a millionaire by now! Unfortunately I am still living off a measly British Council FLA salary and single...having lost pretty much all faith in Colombians. 

The first problem that I encountered with the men here in Bogotá was... and still continues to be the superficiality. No one seems to get it, not even the Colombians, who seem to forgive or pass off the situation as being ‘boba’ or ‘complicada’. 

The bad thing is that Colombians both strive for personal physical perfection and expect the same of everyone else. Maintaining the perfect height, weight, job, social status and education are all of extreme importance to the Colombians. Miss out on one of them, and bam! – They’re not interested. 

Even via internet dating or the popular yet shamefully sketchy websites such as manhunt or gaydar (dare I mention grindr?) men only want to know one thing – where they can find Mr. Right. 

Please, don’t get me wrong…I’m looking for him too, who isn’t? But starting a conversation with a stranger (who in Colombia will usually just be a naked toned torso) by asking someone their height, weight, role and demanding more photographs including sexual ones somehow just doesn’t seem like the right way to go about it...

It’s not even superficial, it’s superfluous ‘more than is wanted or is sufficient, or rendered unnecessary by superabundance’ 

Unless you tick all the proverbial superfluous boxes, no one wants to know anything about you, your hobbies, your family, your friends, your studies, your personal interests or life goals – even at times your very name. 

I’m not saying at all that people should lose faith and not settle for the best. Though perhaps we need to not lose sight of reality and come to terms with maybe the best guy or girl for us may not have a six pack or have studied at the best university. 

There is no denying that the consequences that come along in the wake of such a grim, social and cultural attitude to dating are just as upsetting…

There is firstly and fore mostly the ‘arma de doble fila’ or the ‘double-edged sword’ of low self-esteem and personal high expectations. Not only do you start to feel inferior about your own personal appearance, you raise your own standards…and quite considerably. 

You actually start to convince yourself that ‘beauty only goes skin-deep’ – or at least so in Colombia. I have been on dates before, enjoyed myself and the persons company but not followed it up simply because they weren’t as fit as my ex or what I believe I’m worth.

And this leads into the thing which annoys me the most. As foreigners on the dating scene, we start to embody everything we once despised about the superficiality of the Bogotano gay scene. I suppose it’s something to do with the ‘if you can’t beat them, join them’ philosophy, but can we really complain and then conform at the same time. 

In such a superficial, fake culture, can we really ever expect to find love and be truly happy in a country where no one seems to know what they want and we’re all looking for something we don’t really believe exists. 

So, never mind Mel Gibson…Hollywood likes to remind us of the difficulties of dating and falling in love, but even in Colombia with such a gift of knowing what men, or women want…it wouldn’t even make a difference. No one knows what anyone wants, not even themselves.